Blog

Just pause….and breathe

Whether you have a negative credit score and feature prominently in the CRB listing, whether you don’t have a job and are unsure of where your next meal is coming from, whether you are buried in debt and see no way around it, please never give up hope.

Situations are temporary and can mess our minds up and make it seem like an endless pit of hopelessness. I choose to believe that nothing is permanent in this life, and hardships sharpen us and make us more humane.

Be selfish about your mental health, protect it like you would silver or gold. My grandmother taught me years ago that you can never please everyone, they will always have something negative to say about you. If you pay too much mind to all the chatter around you, life will pass you by slowly and one day all you will be left with are regrets for not taking more chances to be your true self.

Do not condone what you do not like or believe in, just to make other people happy. Speak your mind clearly and give your point of view soberly since we don’t have to all agree to be able to coexist with each other. Although most people say they like direct and honest opinions, very few ever really want to hear your truth. But as long as you express it respectfully and not in a condescending way, the true one’s will appreciate it.

I love deeply, admire openly and praise things that I love loudly, that is the only way I know how to be me. It may make some people uncomfortable and come out pretentious/ as boot licking to others, because we are not conditioned as humans to just be honest about appreciating life loudly even when we are drowning in a million other problems.

I choose to appreciate the beauty of life, good health, a great support system, amazing kids and a best friend to share my life with. We are here for a reason, and everything is a lesson.

Life is indeed very humbling, but we take the lessons and soldier on! I find it very hard to relate to people who have not been through some kind of struggle/ loss anymore, because that lesson cannot be taught in school. The kind of optimism that is found in motivational books alone is not as powerful as living through a tough situation and coming out of it whole. Scarred, but still whole.

In sharing pieces of my experiences and those of others who allow me to publish theirs, I hope we can create a consciousness beyond what we see superficially. That we can be kinder, more empathetic and less critical of each other.

Have an amazing week ahead, and always keep your head up. You won’t come of this life alive anyway, might as well enjoy the ride while at it…🥰🥰

Letter to my daughters

Things I will teach my daughter about relationships:
Contrary to what is preached in the movies;

  1. Never discuss your past with your current partner. They will throw it in your face if you have a disagreement
  2. Never talk about your parents/siblings with your partner. It will be used as ammunition if you ever get in a fight
  3. Never share your deepest insecurities/childhood traumas with your partner. If you ever make a mistake, they will blame it on your past
  4. Seek to have a solid financial base, independent of your partner. If you ever rely on anyone, they will ensure you never forget who is feeding you.
  5. Love and have confidence in yourself regardless of your relationship status. Being in a relationship does not make one whole
  6. Money and financial stability is everything. Do not be fooled by the notion that money does not buy happiness. It buys respect and a sense of freedom.
  7. The only person who will ever love you unconditionally is your mother. Your father will only acknowledge you when/if you meet their standards of success. On rare occasions, an African father may try to play the ” role” of mum – but rarely
  8. People will love you as much as they can benefit from you. If you ever lose a high paying job/title, the calls will dwindle down to nothing. Do not take it personally, that is human nature. So work hard to be someone.
  9. Always trust your intuition, it will never steer you wrong
  10. When you love, do so unconditionally and without expectations. If they do not appreciate it and put you down for it, remember points 1-9.

You’ll never get out of this life alive. So live your best self, do not try to impress anyone, and above all, love yourself. The power is all yours

Love, Mum

The prayer

Dear Lord,

Please open a door for me. I am so tired of feeling this way. Feeling so lost, like a ship without a rudder. I don’t feel like I belong anywhere, just bobbing through life and hoping for the best.

I am not much good at anything. Just insecure and even silly at times, latching at any semblance of normalcy but being afraid of being around people lest they judge me. Lest they break past the confident exterior and see past the bravado.

I don’t like being a victim, there are certainly people in worse off situations than me. But what I ask for Lord, is that you open a door for me, even just a sliver. So that I may start to see what my purpose for existence is.

Help me feel whole again, to see my value and self worth. I used to feel that you were on my side and no matter what came against me, I was confident in your power to get me through it.

Now I just feel lost, invisible,unseen,unheard and largely unfelt. How can I get out of this abyss threatening to swallow me? How can I ever find my voice, poise and confidence ever again?

Nobody really knows what it feels like to be me, but I am asking you Lord to just give me a sign. Give me something to hold on to. I am tired, I really am. Today is just one of those days that I am reminded of how inadequate I am.

Teach me to take, one day at a time. When the time is right, open the doors. In the wait, please hold my hand.

Amen